A different kind of Revenge
by Kenta Raikiri
Summary: Naruto always thought that there was only one kind of revenge; the "Kill the person who caused you pain" kind, like Sasuke was after. After his two year training trip, Naruto's finding out...A different kind of revenge... Rated M for mature themes. Warning: Characters will seem Out of Character because of the strange variable. (Will probably only be a 4-5 chapter fic)
1. When someone wants revenge

Kenta: Okay, this idea has been bugging me for quite awhile, and I thought it would be an interestingly small story. I only plan to have about four or five chapters, since this is a mature comedy fanfic.

**Warning**: Mature themes and LOTS of out of character moments caused by the variable of the story. There will not be any lemons, but...well, you'll see.

* * *

"You guys think you can just walk in here and waltz around like you own the place? DO YA!?" A rogue bandit roared, spitting at the two in front of him.

"Umm...this is a field...outside of town...and who the hell are you guys?" A blonde-haired boy asked, staring at the group of bandits in front of him in confusion. A blue headband was tied around his forehead, and on the headband was a metal plate, an inscription of a leaf marked upon its center.

"YOU...LITTLE..." The bandit spazzed, glaring furiously at the un-caring blonde in front of him. "THAT'S IT! GET HIM!" He roared to his twenty followers. The blonde turned away from the group, now looking at a white-haired man writing on a scroll.

"OI! ERO-SENNIN! CAN I TAKE 'EM?" The blonde suddenly shouted, causing the bandits to skid to a halt. The white-haired hermit didn't even look up from his writing and waved his hand forward, the blonde suddenly turning around and grinning.

"Wh-what? Y-you think you can take ALL of us by yourself!?" The bandit started sweating, the blonde-haired boy grinning brightly as he cracked his knuckles, an evil aura appearing above him. "G-G-G-GET HIM!"

**- Five minutes later -**

"Oi! Ero-Sennin! I'm done!" Naruto Uzumaki smiled as he sat on top of a smoking pile of bandits, numerous groans of agony echoing from the pile. Jiraiya, Sage of Mount Myoboku, finished the sentence he was working on before rolling up the scroll and nodding.

"All right then, let's get going. We've spent enough time here in this boondock town." Jiraiya said as he began to walk away from the town, the blonde ninja hopping off the pile before running after Jiraiya.

"But you said you were gonna train me! I just wanted to fight 'em so I wouldn't be bored! And don't tell me I need to rest! I didn't even use any Shadow Clones! Come on Pervy Sage!" The blonde complained as he followed after the holy/perverted sage.

The Bandit leader glared after the blonde, rage burning in his eyes. "Y-you...little blonde shit-head...I'll get my revenge...I SWEAR IT!"

**- One and a Half Years Later -**

Two figures entered a large, bustling city, proceeding through two large gates. The slightly shorter figure had a big smile on his face as he walked around the city, spinning around constantly, trying to take in as much as he could with his bright blue eyes. His excitement built with every spin, the blonde-haired shinobi's smile growing wider and wider until he couldn't take it anymore. Tossing his heavy backpack to the ground, the blonde rushed up a telephone pole, quickly reaching the top before grinning wildly, his eyes looking around at the colorful Village of the Hidden Leaf, Konoha. Taking in a deep breath, the blonde's excitement climaxed.

**"HELLOOO KONOHA! IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU AGAIN! THE ONE AND ONLY NARUTO UZUMAKI IS BACK!" **Naruto shouted, his voice echoing over rooftops, catching the attention of numerous residents. "YEAH! That felt great!" Naruto beamed as his eyes finally landed on the Hokage Monument, a visible recognition of the Shinobi village's past heroes. Letting his eyes glide over the forms of the First and Second Hokage's, Naruto's eyes landed on the face of the kind, deceased sculpture of the Third Hokage, Hiruzen Sarutobi. Smiling as memories flooded his mind, he turned to the face next to the third's, his hero, the Fourth Hokage. The man who sealed the demon fox inside of him, hoping it would save the village. Naruto then noticed that there was a new face next to the Fourth's, and as he took a closer look at it, he found it to be a woman with a diamond on her head. "OH! HEY, THEY PUT GRANDMA TSUNADE UP THERE! HAHAHAHA!" The blonde smiled brightly as he inspected the rock face before a voice came from his right.

"Well well, all grown up now Naruto?" Naruto turned to see a familiar figure reading on a rooftop.

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!" The blonde beamed.

* * *

In a small hospital room, a pink-haired kunoichi stared down at a book, giggling happily as she read it. The cover was red, with purple hearts on the back. The door to the room suddenly clicked open, a tall woman walking into the room and noticing the book in the girl's hands. Cracking a smile, she slowly crept over to the pink Medical Ninja and softly whispered something in her ear. The book snapped shut in a flash, Sakura Haruno staring at Tsunade in shock.

"Wh-what? What did you..."

"That's right...he's back..." She smiled evilly, the pinkette rushing out of the room and out the door. Smiling in satisfaction, she noticed the book was gone as well. "Brat...could have at least left the book..." The blonde Hokage grumbled as she walked out of the room.

* * *

"OH HOW I LOVE RAMEN!" Naruto cried tears of joy, happily slurping up his third bowl of ramen now. Kakashi merely giggled in excitement as he held a green book in his hand, Jiraiya smirking as he sipped a saucer of sake. The three exchanged small conversations over how things had changed, Naruto only asking Kakashi a few questions but otherwise helping himself to more and more ramen. Finally setting down his fifth bowl, Naruto happily turned to Jiraiya, an evil smirk on his face. "Hey Pervy Sage, debt number one, coming right up!" Naruto grinned cheekily as Jiraiya shook his head.

"Yeah Yeah, I remember." The Sage smirked as he set down the bills necessary to cover Naruto's feast. Kakashi raised an eyebrow, promptly asking what Naruto meant by that. "Halfway through our training trip, he asked me if I had a spare notebook he could have." Jiraiya began explaining. "I figured he wanted to try writing, which he did for awhile, but the most he did was write down how many times I owed him for something, be it getting a girl's attention or running random errands. You'd think that since he was my disciple that he'd just do it..." The sage grumbled as he paid for his meal as well.

"I did plenty!" Naruto grumbled at Jiraiya. "The debts you owe me aren't for small stuff like that...the first debt you owed me was for the Hot spring incedent, where I was the one who was your scapegoat while you escaped..." Naruto lifted up his shirt glaring at Jiraiya, Kakashi lightly raising his eyebrow. "I still have all their claw marks on me, and I'm an extremely fast healer!" Kakashi merely turned to a whistling sannin.

"W-well, anyway, let's be on our way, shall we?" Jiraiya quickly said, getting up and walking out of the ramen stand. Though he was glaring at him, Naruto nodded and got up. Afterall, Tsunade was the person they were going to see. The three were soon walking down the road, Naruto leading the way.

"So, I'll take it the training went well?" Kakashi asked, still engrossed in his book. The sannin smirked as he watched Naruto finally slow down to a small walk.

"You'll see. But I'll tell you this. You'll be surprised at his development." Kakashi raised an eyebrow at Jiraiya.

"Surprised how?"

His question would not be answered as the two suddenly heard a loud "WOAH!" Turning around, Kakashi and Jiraiya found Naruto staring at a kunoichi.

* * *

Sakura gasped for air as she rounded the, at the very least, hundred and fiftieth corner since she first started searching. She had been looking for that blonde-haired idiot since Tsunade told of his arrival, but she couldn't find him anywhere! There was no way it could have been this difficult to find him, he wore orange! Then again, he had been gone for nearly three years, so maybe he changed his attire? She had been looking for blue and orange since she started looking...but what if he changed the colors of his outfit?

"Oh! There's still one place I havn't checked! Now that I think about it, it's probably the first place that little Uke would be..." She giggled as she repeated the word. "Uke-Naruto...heehee..." The pinkette giggled as she began skipping towards Ichiraku Ramen. Arriving at the aforementioned restaurant, she found that the blonde wasn't there. "Oh man, I thought Naruto would have been here..." Sakura sighed.

"Hmm? Naruto you said?" Teuchi asked as he looked up from behind the counter. "Ah! Sakura! How are you?" The kunoichi smiled as she bowed to the ramen stand owner.

"I'm fine. Has Naruto come by here? I heard he's back in town!" She smiled as Teuchi nodded.

"Yeah, you and Ayane just missed him." He pointed behind him, smirking as he heard pots clanging. "She's been throwing a fit ever since, though I'm hoping you know the reason?" Sakura blushed brightly as she looked behind the counter, hoping to see Ayane. "Umm...nope!" She laughed nervously, scratching the back of her head. "So, um...do you know where he went?" Teuchi sighed as he pointed down the road. "He was with Lord Jiraiya and your sensei, Kakashi Hatake. I think they were heading towards the Hokage's office." He blinked as Sakura suddenly disappeared from view, a trail of smoke left in her wake.

* * *

"Hinata, is that you?" Naruto stared at the Hyuuga heiress in shock. "You look...uh..." His eyes trailed down before quickly shooting back up. "Different!" Behind him, Naruto could hear the squealing of his perverted mentor. He distinctly heard the word 'boobies' and was about to turn around to pile-drive the old man before Hinata **SLAPPED** the blonde.

"Naruto...I never thought..." She was quiet as a tear left her eye, the blonde's shocked face staring back at her. "You're not the person I thought you were!" She suddenly ran off, leaving a bewildered blonde to stare off after the Hyuuga heiress in shock, a glowing red hand-print on his cheek.

The shock that hit both Kakashi and Jiraiya read like a banner over their heads, though Naruto seemed more hurt than either of the two. He slowly turned around to his teachers, tears flowing from his eyes.

"Ka...Kakashi-sensei? Ero-sennin? What...what just happened?" The blonde sobbed. A loud "KYAAAA!" suddenly screeched from their left, Naruto, Kakashi and Jiraiya turning around to see a pink-wearing kunoichi out-cold on the ground, a trail of blood running down her nose. "Sakura?" Naruto asked as he looked at the unconscious kunoichi on the ground. "OI! What's wrong!? Why are you bleeding out of your nose!? SAKURA! WAKE UP!" The blonde desperately tried to wake up his former teammate, Jiraiya and Kakashi looking at the scene in estranged silence.

"Um..." Kakashi's eye twitched rapidly, sweat pouring down his face. "Correct me if I'm wrong...but...did we see Hinata Hyuuga, the little girl who had such a huge crush on Naruto that she'd pass out in close contact, just SLAP him before running off in tears?"

"I'm still trying to figure out the completely opposite reaction from the two girls..." Jiraiya stared at the scene in shock. "I mean, before I even taught him the Rasengan, I had him try and get a hug from Sakura and she nearly catapulted the kid to Suna...now she's squealing and passing out in the kind of way the other girl would..."

The two Elite ninja stared first at each other, then back to the scene, where Naruto had Sakura on his back, rushing off to get Tsunade, cuz it was obvious that Sakura was in danger. Why else would she be bleeding from anything other than a cut? She obviously had a serious injury!


	2. When YOU become the idol

"Quit worrying Naruto, Sakura is fine..." Tsunade glared out a window, a large blush on her face. She couldn't look back at Naruto's pleading look. She'd lose all control if she did. "Now, once Sakura wakes up, I will give you an announcement. For now, go and take a look around the village. I will summon you when she wakes up, all right?" The blonde Hokage didn't look at Naruto at all, merely walking over to the window.

"But Baa-chan! Why aren't you looking at me? How can I be sure that Sakura isn't in any real danger!?" The blonde pleaded with the village Hokage.

"NARUTO! GO! SHE'S FINE! I SWEAR IT ON THE NAME OF THE PAST HOKAGE, NOW GO SEE THE VILLAGE!" The Hokage boomed, Naruto staring at his motherly figure in shock. The blonde sighed as he turned around.

"Why has everybody changed so much? I've only been gone two years..." Naruto was quiet as he left the room, a gloomy aura surrounding the blonde. Jiraiya turned to Kakashi, poking him on the shoulder. He motioned after Naruto, obviously worried about the blonde's mental state. Kakashi nodded, turning to catch up with the blonde. The Jonin knew that Tsunade was going to announce that they were a team again, and he figured that would only make the blonde happier, but the recent turn of events had left the blonde...emotionally unstable. The door clicking shut, Jiraiya suddenly turned a dark glare to Tsunade.

"What the hell was that all about? The kid was on cloud 9 until he met Hinata and Sakura, then YOU of all people start barking at him! Do you have any idea how much he's wanted to see you!? He's been gone from his hometown for two years Tsunade! What the hell are you thinking!?" The Toad Sage gripped Tsunade's shoulder tightly, whirling the blonde Hokage around. "ANSWER ME! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU-" He suddenly stopped, a furious blush on Tsunade's face.

"I...I couldn't do it...if I looked at him one more time with that face, I'd lose it..." She tried to glare at Jiraiya, but the tears now streaming down her face made it look more like a pout. The bewildered Sannin's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as Tsunade suddenly pressed her face into the Toad Sage's chest, silently sobbing. After a few moments of awkwardly rubbing the Hokage's head, Jiraiya pushed her back a bit.

"Er...while I'm flattered that you missed me so much, you mind explaining what the hell is going on?"

A fist to the stomach was his answer, sending the sannin flying towards the door. "**WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING WITH NARUTO!? TRAINING HIM OR CORRUPTING HIM!?**" Jiraiya stared at the suddenly furious woman in front of him.

"Wh-wh-wh-what the hell are you talking about!? And what the hell is going on with you!?" The Sannin squealed, flailing his arms wildly. Tsunade glared angrily at Jiriaya as she threw two books at him. Catching them both, Jiraiya noticed one was a red book with purple hearts on the back. Flipping it around he found a very...shy-looking blonde on the front. "What the?" Jiraiya quickly looked at the other book and opened it up, only for his eyes to shrink, sickly purple lines falling down his face. "This...this is..."

* * *

Everywhere Naruto went, he received the same thing...non-caring glances from guys, and heart-filled stares from women. It was really confusing for him, and the stinging of his face reminded him once again of Hinata's reaction. Another gloomy cloud appeared above Naruto, the blonde sulking as he walked down the streets. Why was he getting the strange attention he was getting? He was gone for two whole years! Had the Hidden Leaf Village really changed so much?

"WOAH! NARUTO!" The blonde sulkily turned around, only for his face to brighten up upon seeing Shikamaru Nara.

"SHIKAMARU!" Naruto bolted over to the Nara. "WOW! It's been forever since I last saw you!" The blonde grinned excitedly, Shikamaru smirking back to the blonde.

"You look like you've gotten more mature since I last saw you, more reliant." Naruto grinned excitedly as he interlocked his fingers behind his head. He then noticed that there were two others with the Nara.

"CHOUJI! INO!" The blonde grinned at the other two members of the former team 8. "Wow, it's been forever! I'm feeling nostalgic!" He giggled excitedly as he rubbed a finger against his nose. Chouji smiled gratefully back to the whiskered blonde while Ino was holding up a book. Naruto turned to notice the blonde was looking from the book cover to Naruto and back and forth.

"You may look like this now..." Ino smirked, Naruto noticing a strange gleam in her eye. The platinum blonde giggled perversely as she turned to her two teammates. "Sorry guys, I gotta get back to the shop." She waved to the three as she started walking away. "See ya later Shikamaru, Chouji..." She giggled as she looked back to Naruto. "See you later, Uketo..." The blonde suddenly sped down the road, Naruto, Chouji and Shikamaru staring at the kunoichi in confusion.

"Uke...to?" Naruto stared after Ino, shocked. "Where the hell did that come from?" He asked, turning to the other two ninja.

"Don't ask me...she's been reading that same book for months..." Shikamaru shrugged.

"And every now and again, I see her pull out a picture before squealing. It really scares me..." Chouji said, a few sweatdrops falling down the back of his head. Naruto turned back to where Ino had disappeared to. Funny, for some reason, he started thinking of Sakura...

"So! Where are you heading Naruto?" Shikamaru asked the blonde, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Huh?"

"If you're not busy, you could come with us. We've got some small errands to do around the village, but you're welcome to join Naruto!" Chouji smiled to the blonde. Naruto smiled back, nodding his head.

"Yeah, I'm just taking a look around the village." He grinned, his eyes closing and lifting up just lightly. "I've been gone for two years, ya'know!?"

**"KYAAAAAAAAA!"**

A chorus of squeals suddenly erupted around the boys, making all three jump in shock. Looking around, Naruto, Shikamaru and Chouji found a circle had appeared around them. A circle of sqealing fan-girls staring at Naruto, hearts in their eyes. The blonde slowly began to back up, a bad feeling creeping up his spine as Shikamaru and Chouji stared around them with wide eyes. "What in the world?" Shikamaru wondered how in the world they had not only gotten surrounded so quickly, but WHY they were surrounded.

"G-guys? I don't really like the look of this..." Naruto looked around nervously. He didn't like this. The last time he had been surrounded by girls, he was clobbered. BADLY. His scar marks flaring up in slight pain, Naruto started backing up more, looking as if he was about to whimper in fear.

"KYAAA! HE'S JUST LIKE AN OLDER UKETO!" Naruto stared wide-eyed as the squealing circle quickly enclosed around him, the blonde feeling more and more afraid of the circle of women.

"Wait, Uketo?" Naruto blinked, having heard that name before. "Didn't Ino call me that just before she ran off?" Naruto blinked again, trying to remember before a brunette was suddenly in his face, locking lips with him. Chouji and Shikamaru's jaws were on the ground, Naruto staring wide-eyed at the girl before he lost feeling in his legs, his butt hitting the ground as his face flared up in a bright red blush.

"TAMAKI!" A voice shouted, the brunette squirming as hearts floated around her, cupping her chin in embarrassment.

"I can't help it! He's just such a cutie!" Tamaki giggled as she squirmed in on herself.

"But what if he isn't Uketo?" A voice said over the crowd of now squealing girls. Naruto himself was so withdrawn he wasn't hearing anything, he was just kinda staring forward, too shocked to do anything. Shikamaru quickly grabbed the blonde's shoulders, shaking him back and forth rapidly.

"Naruto! Snap out of it man! You gotta tell me what's going on!" The chunin shouted to the blonde hysterically.

"OH! His name is Naruto! He must have been the inspiration for Uketo!" Another girl shouted before another chorus of squeals hit the three boys. Naruto was still out of it, his eyes staring in no particular direction, though there WAS a slight twitch every now and again. Shikamaru and Chouji quickly grabbed his arms and slung them over their shoulders before jumping out of the crowd, fleeing from the mob of squealing fan-girls. "HE'S BEING RESCUED BY HIS TWO PRINCES! KYAAAA!" Once again, another chorus of squeals resounded over the village of Konoha before the mob began chasing after the shinobi.

* * *

A pair of green eyes suddenly snapped open, staring at the ceiling in shock. Sakura Haruno jumped up from her spot on a couch in the Hokage's office before bolting for the door.

"SAKURA! WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING!?" Tsunade suddenly shouted, causing Sakura to spin around, noticing the Hokage glaring at her in slight annoyance.

"I HEARD SQUEALS! I GOTTA GO SEE UKET-er...uh, I mean, I GOTTA SAVE MY TEAMMATE, NARUTO!" Sakura was blushing fiercely as she suddenly bolted out the door before Tsunade could say another word.

"Why...you..." Tsunade twitched madly as she glared at the door. Taking a deep breath, she clicked a button on a small machine. "Summon Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura and Hatake Kakashi to my office immediately." She sighed after letting go of the button. The blonde Hokage turned a sad gaze to the man in the corner who was twitching rapidly as he would barely flip a page before zipping around to the window behind him and hurling out of it. This had been going on since she had given the man the books...over an hour ago. "Well, at least I know he didn't actually DO any of it...still, the pictures are...well...realistic." Tsunade sighed as she put a hand to her forehead.

"I'm more sickened that you women are so into submissive little boys..." Jiriaya grumbled before hurling another round. At least there was a dump right outside of the window, otherwise he'd get stuck cleaning it up. A blush seared across Tsunade's face as she refused to meet the Toad Sage's eyes.

"Well...er...it's just that...I, uh..."

"I thought he reminded you of Nawaki, huh? I'm surprised you're into such a thing Tsunade..." Jiraiya sighed as he put one of the books down, having seen enough. "The real problem is that it even exists...and this can't be a coincedence. It ISN'T Naruto, but it's an amazingly well-done transformation. The fact that they even have his whisker marks on the illusion shows how badly the creator of this stuff wanted to get back at Naruto...I don't know what he did to who, but this is a serious problem." Jiraiya sighed as he looked down at the second book, a photo album.

It wasn't just ANY photo album...each and every picture showed an innocent little Naruto in a porno shoot. And not only that, it was a yaoi scene each and every time, Naruto being the submissive little boy of each scene. The book that Tsunade had chucked at him along with the album was a literature, hitting the kind of ratings Make-Out Paradise had, and with almost the same content, though of course, this wasn't a romance novel in the way Icha-Icha was, being man and woman. No, this of course, was a yaoi, with little 'Uketo' as the submissively leading role. At the end of each book was the worst of all the photos of the album Jiraiya had looked through, Naruto in a very Uke, or submissive position, showing a VERY small...uh, yeah... with a very LARGE...thing, in a...certain place...

Jiraiya hurled out the window one last time for good measure, having now thoroughly emptied the contents of his stomach from the past three months. Wiping his mouth and closing the window, he turned around to see Tsunade not making eye-contact with him. "So, little boys turn you on, huh? Creepy old hag, no wonder you couldn't look at Naruto when he was so worried about Sakura, you were thinking of the book and the photos...you were ready to rape him on the spot, weren't you?" The silence that greeted his ears was something Jiraiya really wished hadn't been heard by him. "Yeesh...I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then...this isn't really something I wanted to know. I thought Orochimaru was the pedophile...but YOU!?" Jiraiya sighed as he put a hand to his head. "Still, this definitely explains Sakura's reaction, though I'm still wondering about Hinata..."

A light suddenly went off in Jiraiya's mind.

"Oh..." A perverse grin suddenly split his face. "So THAT'S the kind of girl she is..." He smirked as he looked out to the city. "Still, Naruto is going to find out sooner or later..." He turned to Tsunade, a serious look settling on his face. "And I plan on telling him after their survival exercise with Kakashi..."

* * *

"Okay, we should be safe here." Shikamaru sighed as he cracked his back. "But damn, those girls were pretty persistant..." He turned to the still dazed Naruto. "What in the world did you do? I don't ever remember you being so popular...exactly what did you do on your training trip Naruto?" The blonde continued to stare in a random direction until Chouji finally smacked him upside the head.

"OW! What was that for Chouji!?" Naruto yelled, jumping up and glaring at the Akamichi.

"Naruto, I need some answers..." Shikamaru stated again, catching the irritated blonde's attention. "What did you do to make so many girls try and...uh..." The three began blushing brightly, Naruto more so. "Yeeeeaaaah...what just happened earlier?" The blonde plopped down again, folding his arms as he tried to come up with an idea.

"The way they were going after you, I thought that you were like Sasuke was back in the academy..." Chouji stated. Naruto twitched at that, but none-the-less continued to think.

"Hmmm...I can't really think of anything that would make a bunch of girls like me...and I REALLY can't think of anything that would make girls I've never MET like me like THAT!" The blonde sighed. "What's up with the Leaf Village? I've been gone for two years, and almost everything's changed..." Chouji and Shikamaru blinked, staring first at each other, then turning to the distressed blonde.

"What do you mean by that?"

Naruto looked up to the confused shinobi. "Well, Kakashi-sensei hasn't changed, and it's obvious YOU guys havn't really changed, but Sakura, Grandma Tsunade, and even..." Naruto held a hand to his stinging cheek, wincing before he released another confused sigh. "It's like, I don't know, there are parts of the village that havn't really changed, but others that have REALLY changed!"

"Wait a minute..." Shikamaru spoke up, squatting down next to the blonde. "By the look of that cheek wound, you were slapped...but, it couldn't have been Sakura already, right? And I don't think you'd be able to irritate Lady Hokage so quickly after just getting back. Who would have slapped you?" Shikamaru asked, confused at it all.

"Yeah, the only others that I can think of are Ino or Tenten, and Ino was with us earlier..." An idea suddenly occurred to Chouji. "But, she called you 'Uketo'...Naruto, did you...DO something with her? That name sounds like a mixture of-

"I KNOW WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE!" Naruto shouted, a tick mark appearing on his forehead. "DO I **LOOK** LIKE THE SUBMISSIVE TYPE!?" Chouji shook his head.

"Of course not! You're the most hard-headed blonde I know!"

"But that still doesn't answer why she called you that. Naruto, I don't mean to pry, but are you and Ino..." Shikamaru started, Naruto realizing what he was hinting at.

"HELL NO!" Naruto roared, crossing his arms defiantly. "AND IT WASN'T INO OR TENTEN!"

"Then who was it?" Chouji and Shikamaru asked in unison. Naruto quieted, his eyes losing their excited glow.

"Actually...it was Hinata..."

.

..

...

...The silence could have killed bird.

_**"HINATAAA!?" **_The two shouted in shock, nearly sending Naruto flying back at the force of their shout.

"Y-yeah..." Naruto stared at the two in bewilderment. "But...why do you guys seem so surprised? I mean, sure she's quiet most of the time, but I didn't think you guys would be so shocked at it being her..." Chouji and Shikamaru stared at Naruto for a moment before the two began to crack smirks, small chuckles escaping the two before they burst into full-blown laughter. "Wh-what? What's so funny!?" Naruto growled at the two Chunin laughing their asses off. After a few moments of trying to catch their breath, the two finally wrapped an arm around Naruto, both giving the blonde a noogie.

"Good to know you're still an idiot Naruto." Chouji laughed, Naruto beginning to glare at the both of them.

"What the hell are you guys talking about?"

"If you still havn't figured it out, then there's hope for you yet Naruto." Shikamaru laughed as he leaned back, relaxing on the cool grass. Naruto continued to glare at the lazy Chunin, wondering what he and Chouji meant. What was he missing about Hinata? Putting a hand to his cheek, Naruto began to think more deeply about the Hyuuga, her words ringing in his mind.

"I disappoint her?" The blonde mumbled in confusion.

"Uzumaki Naruto!" A voice suddenly shouted, the three looking up to see a Chunin running up to them. He smiled upon seeing the blonde. "Great to have you back Naruto, Lady Hokage has requested you return to the Hokage's office." Naruto blinked, wondering what he meant before the image of a certain pink-haired kunoichi flashed in his mind.

"SAKURA!" Naruto grinned as he jumped up on his feet, thanking the Chunin before running back towards the village. Shikamaru and Chouji smiled at the retreating blonde, shaking their heads.

"I still can't believe he doesn't realize Hinata has the hots for him." Chouji smirked. Shikamaru nodded before frowning.

"But, I'm beginning to wonder if it's now she HAD the hots for him...I never thought Hinata of all people would slap Naruto..." Chouji sighed as he turned to his long-time friend.

"I'm starting to wonder what's going on with the female population of the Leaf Village...at least, concerning Naruto." Shikamaru merely nodded in agreement.

* * *

Back in town, Naruto was quickly glancing around, carefully watching out for any more mobs that might try to attack him. It scared the crap out of him last time, and he didn't want a repeat. Slowly rounding another corner, Naruto quickly spun around, checking his back for a sneak attack. He remembered how often a fan-girl would follow Squad 7 home after a D-ranked mission, sneaking up on Sasuke. Of course, Sakura was always around to beat them down while Sasuke made a break for it, but this time the blonde was the target apparently. And last he heard, Sakura had just regained consciousness, so even if she wanted to, Naruto didn't have any back-up. Slowly backing up, Naruto bumped into someone, his back suddenly tensing as he spun around, readying for an attack.

What met his frantic stare was a pair of lavender eyes.

"Huh? Hinata?" Naruto blinked in confusion, the Hyuuga staring at the blonde with wide eyes. "What are you-" The lavender-haired girl suddenly spun around, taking off in the opposite direction of Naruto. "HEY!" Naruto shouted, running after the long-haired kunoichi. "HINATA! WAIT!" Naruto shouted to no avail. Hinata instead began to pick up speed, slowly gaining distance from Naruto. Quickly losing his patience, Naruto disappeared in a blur, tackling Hinata to the ground.

"No! Let go of me!" She squirmed, trying to free herself from the blonde.

"DAMMIT HINATA! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" Naruto roared, tightly grabbing her wrists and pinning the kunoichi to the ground. The lavender-haired kunoichi suddenly stopped her struggling, staring up at the blonde in shock. "I'M TRYING TO ASK YOU SOMETHING AND ALL YOU DO IS RUN AWAY! IF YOU'RE GONNA SLAP ME THEN GIVE ME A DAMN REASON!" Naruto roared in irritation, numerous onlookers staring at the scene.

A blonde pinning the Hyuuga clan's heiress to the ground? The nerve of the boy! A number of people began to murmer as Naruto finally caught his breath.

"I'll let you up," Naruto started, swallowing the lump in his throat. "But I don't want you running on me, got it?" He glared at the girl underneath him, the heiress slowly nodding. Quickly hopping off the girl, Naruto held a hand out to his old classmate, Hinata hesitantly taking it. Naruto noticed the girl suddenly started getting red in the face, very much like she used to. "Now I want a decent answer, if I did something to irritate you, at least tell me it! What you said earlier doesn't make any sense!" The blonde pouted to the kunoichi, Hinata staring at Naruto in a mixture of emotions.

"U-uh...I...uh, er...W-w-well," The Hyuuga heiress could feel her heart speeding up quickly, her mind getting fuzzy.

"Well?" Naruto glared at the girl, folding his arms expectantly.

"UKETO!" A voice suddenly shouted, Naruto twitching in irritation.

"WHO THE HELL CALLED ME THAT!?" He roared, spinning around to see a familiar mob of girls squealing as they began running at him. "ACK! NOT THEM AGAIN!" Naruto paled, spinning around and running past Hinata. "HINATA! I WANT AN ANSWER LATER! I MEAN IT!" Naruto shouted back, taking off over the rooftops towards his forgotten goal, Tsunade's office. As the mob rushed past Hinata, the kunoichi simply stared after the fleeing blonde, a blush searing across her face.

"N-Naruto?"


	3. When you learn to use big words

Kenta: Hilariously enough, I've gotten a lot of positive feedback on this! I mean, I was just doing this for shits and giggles, but I didn't think so many people would favorite this so quickly!

There are probably only going to be two more chapters, as I can't really think of any more material and I have to get back to my main stories, but even still, it's been a nice reprieve to get me back into typing again.

On a side note, Naruto Ultimate Ninja Storm 3 is coming out soon, and I'm getting the Goku costume! I hope to get the Sasuke RTN outfit as well, as it looks bad-ass! Casual Friday in a ninja world? Cool! Not to mention they have all 9 Jinchurikki and Naruto can go full Biju mode! I'm super psyched for the game!

P.S. this is the longest chapter yet.

_**Kenta Raikiri**_

* * *

"Well...this is awkward..." Was Kakashi Hatake's single response. The reason? Sakura swooning over Naruto. Surely Naruto would be ecstatic if Sakura were to swoon over him, he'd dreamt of it for years! Why wasn't he ecstatic?

"BACK! BACK I SAY!" Naruto shouted in what seemed to be pure terror.

With one foot he was keeping a swooning Sakura at bay, hearts floating around the kunoichi as her arms attempted to latch onto the blonde. The other three ligaments Naruto had were trying to keep the door to Tsunade's office shut, which wasn't really working as squeals, arms and legs were making it through the side of the door. Tsunade's patience was hitting it's limit, to which finally snapped after Sakura was able to get around Naruto's leg and wrap him in a fan-girlish hug, to which the blonde screamed out in terror.

**"THAT DOES IT!"** Tsunade shouted, having finally had enough. With a few swift movements, the door had been blasted off its hinges and through multiple walls while Sakura was deftly tied up, with her headband stuffed into her mouth to shut her up. Stomping back to her desk, Tsunade turned around, a demonic aura flaring around her, ponytails flying up and dancing wildly in the air, daring anyone to speak. Her now tiny, obviously pissed off eyes glared at everyone in the room. "**Any more interruptions?" **The group of furiously shaking heads pleased her. Taking a deep breath, Tsunade looked forward, where Naruto, Kakashi and a tied up Sakura stood/lay. "Now, as to all of your summoning...Naruto Uzumaki and Sakura Haruno, you two will once again be part of Team Kakashi." Tsunade smirked as Naruto's face immediately brightened, quickly turning to his old teacher.

"Seriously!? AWESOME!" Naruto cheered, throwing his hands up into the air. The Jonin smiled to the now ecstatic blonde. It was good for him to have cheered up. He was starting to worry about the kid. Tsunade also smiled at the blonde, though not in the same way Kakashi was. Sakura, Jiraiya and Kakashi all noticed it for the leer that it was. Naruto, however, remained blissfully ignorant.

"Now, before we get down to any real missions, you two have to show the fruits of your training by fighting against Kakashi." Tsunade said smirking, looking directly at Sakura, the kunoichi shivering lightly. "As for you, miss Haruno, this will be a chance to control yourself, deciding on whether or not you can stay on the team."

"What!?" Naruto suddenly shouted, glaring at Tsunade. "Why only Sakura!? And why is it to see whether or not she can stay on the team or not!?" Naruto glared at the blonde Hokage, Tsunade smirking.

"After her previous team arrangement with Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno has shown an inability to focus when she's...distracted." Tsunade raised an eyebrow at the blushing pinkette. "So, we will see whether or not she can focus on the mission at hand, and hold off any fan-girlish squealing until the mission is complete." Naruto blinked at the Hokage in confusion.

"Umm...I don't really get it, but...okay..." Naruto begrudgingly nodded, not sure what Tsunade meant, comparing the blonde to Sasuke. Sakura however, was comically in tears, showing how difficult she was finding the task. All but Naruto noticed her arms twitching in the direction of the blissfully ignorant blonde.

"And Naruto..." Jiraiya said, walking over to the blonde. "Two things to say." He smirked as he held up a finger. "Go wild this round, and there's something you need to hear after this test." Jiraiya said pulling up a second finger. Naruto nodded slowly, wondering what he needed to hear after the test. However, he turned to Kakashi, an evil grin on his face as he pointed a finger to the silver-haired Jonin, chuckles emanating from the blonde fox-boy.

"Kakashi-sensei, you're going down!" The blonde grinned as he flipped his hand, pointing his thumb to the ground. The Copy ninja merely smiled, hoping to enjoy the challenge. He wasn't really expecting too much of a stuggle, but then again, this WAS Naruto...

* * *

"OKAY! WHOSE UP FOR SOME RAMEN!?" Naruto grinned as he spun on his heels towards Kakashi as they returned to the village. The man smiled at the excited boy, despite the group's current state. Naruto was missing his jacket, currently zipped up on Sakura, who was missing not only her shirt, but also parts of her pants. She was currently blushing enough to make Hinata turn away in jealousy. Kakashi's attire was just as bad, his Jonin vest having numerous holes in it, rips and tears all over his blue liner underneath, and his headband had already been incinerated, revealing his closed, scarred eye. Many people who had never seen Kakashi underneath his headband and never took him seriously began to see him in a new light. If someone could lose an eye and still smile and laugh, then he was a bigger man than them. Of course, the irk-some part about it all was that his mask had only received a small cut.

Nothing more, nothing less.

"Uh, N-Naruto, I think I'm going t-t-to go home and ch-change..." Sakura stammered, wriggling underneath the blonde's jacket, getting wide-eyed stares from numerous people, though she got a few wolf whistles when some of the guys realized why she was wearing the blonde's jacket. Naruto pouted for about half a second before smiling again.

"Okay! Maybe some other time!" The blonde's grin widened as he locked his hands behind his head, his well-toned muscles flexing unconsciously underneath his mesh shirt. "After all, we're Squad Seven again!" He laughed. Though he did not notice this, numerous female onlookers were passing out from lack of blood that had left through their nostrils.

Kakashi shook his head, his right eye changing into a curved line, forming his famous eye-smile. "I'd like to, but I've got to set up the new team roster papers. I'll see you guys in two days at the Hokage Tower, Nine o' clock sharp!" With that the Copy Ninja disappeared in a puff of smoke, reappearing outside his house. The man took two steps into the house, closed and locked the door before his face-mask was blown to pieces, his unmasked face in plain view. Flopping onto his bed, the Jonin began sweating rivers.

"That was waaaay too close...I knew it would be a challenge...but to think that Naruto could..." A cold shiver ran down the man's spine. Looking up to a small picture frame of Squad Seven three years past, Kakashi smiled. "I wonder what you would think of him now, Sasuke. He's become stronger than you were, and now he's the village's heartthrob, just as you were...though without the intent to kill someone."

* * *

Sakura on the other hand, was finally reaching her own apartment, slamming the door shut before flopping down in front of it. She had never seen so many guys stare at her like that...but if she was honest with herself, that wasn't really what was making her legs buckle back and forth so wildly.

She had made it onto the team.

She hadn't fan-girled on Naruto ONCE during the mission, though she DID half a second after Tsunade said they completed their objective. The fact that Naruto had acted like a gentleman and lended her his jacket was a shock, though his cute, submissively apologetic face was too much for her to handle as she smashed his face in-between her two friends, squeezing the crap out of him as she squealed in ecstasy, not noticing the jealous glaring she was getting from an older blonde. She had been blushing about the entire chain of events on the way back until Naruto asked for ramen. And now that she was home, she realized something.

She still had Naruto's jacket.

A jacket, she decided, that wasn't going to be returned.

"HAH! BEAT THAT HINATA!" The Haruno cheered as she pumped a fist up into the air.

* * *

Naruto smiled brightly as he walked to Ichiraku ramen, having already run home and changed into a different set of clothes. He now wore a black T-shirt and some tan shorts, Tsunade's unlucky necklace bouncing freely on his chest as his headband hung on a loop of his pants. He still wore his Ninja Zaraki, the sandals clacking against the dirt road as numerous villagers slowed, staring at the happy blonde in shock. He still had a ninja pouch on him, though it was only visible because it pushed the back of his shirt out. He had the next two days off, and so he decided to kick off the day by going to Ichiraku's. Thinking back on recent events, Naruto smiled. Kakashi had given them a time limit, until the next morning to get the bells from him. However, what Kakashi wasn't expecting to fight was a three-tailed chakra-cloak Naruto.

**Total Fight Time:** 25 seconds

Of course, he felt bad that he forgot to warn Sakura, who was standing right next to him when he went Chakra Cloak-mode and as such had most of her clothes incinerated off, but it was definitely worth making Kakashi nearly piss himself in horror as Naruto had him in an Iron Claw half a second later. Though he wasn't really expecting Sakura to have grown so much over the past two years.

"She's gotten bigger..." Naruto smiled dreamily as a he began drooling, remembering the sight of Sakura's lacy pink bra before his face got an all expenses-paid trip to the valley of heaven. A phantom warmth spread across his face, Naruto giggling excitedly as his head turned at an odd angle. Numerous squeals erupted as fangirls passed out around him. The blonde didn't seem to notice however, as he continued walking along to his favorite ramen stand, hands in his pockets and a bright smile on his face.

Nothing could ruin his day.

* * *

_**"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY!?"**_

Naruto stared at Jiraiya in horror, all color drained from his face. The sage of Mount Myoboku sighed at the horrified blonde.

"Trust me, it wasn't easy to look at either. Though I advise watching your back from now on." Jiraiya said as he handed Naruto the two books Tsunade had chucked at the hermit earlier that day. Shaky hands took the books from Jiraiya's hands, the sage wincing as the books kept hitting the floor as Naruto tried to get a grip on them. Finally opening up a red book with purple hearts on the back, Naruto slowly began to read, only for the book to fall to the ground. Of course, it wouldn't be surprising for the blonde to drop the book, especially after hearing from Jiraiya that he was the star in a submissive porno, however he didn't drop the book on purpose.

It fell after he was tackled by Ayame.

"KYAAA! NARUTO-KUN!" She squealed in delight. "I MISSED YOU!" Naruto smiled warmly at his big-sister figure, until he realized that she was fervently blushing, and the moment she started rubbing her finger in circles on his cheek, Naruto's face lost color.

"NOT YOU TOO!?" Naruto nearly screamed as Ayame nipped playfully at his neck, quickly pushing the girl off and taking off down the road with the Ramen-worker quickly running after him. Naruto swiftly rounded a corner into an alley, gasping for breath as Ayame ran past, squealing out his 'stage name'.

"UKETOOO! WHERE DID YOU GO? I JUST WANNA SEE SOMETHING!" She called out, catching the attention of numerous females.

"Like hell you do..." Naruto growled irritatingly as his teeth ground together sharply. Quickly looking behind him, Naruto decided to follow the alley to the other street, regretting the action as the moment he stepped out into the light, a chorus of squeals erupted. A familiar Brunette named Tamaki tackled him back into the alley, squealing happily as she reached for the shorts Naruto had changed into. "GET OFFA' ME!" Naruto roared with a bright blush on his face, pushing the girl off before taking off down the road, holding onto his pants tightly. "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE GIRLS!?" He panicked as he chanced a look back. He regretted it deeply as he noticed a few stands had been tossed into the air, barely hearing someone shout out about their cabbages. He turned around only to pale, more fan-girls now mobbed in front of him. The blonde skid to a halt, panicking as he looked back to find he was now completely surrounded. "Shit shit shit shit shit! Fuck fuck fuck! What do I do, What do I do, WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO!?" Naruto panicked, near tears as the mobs came closer.

"UKETO~! UKETO~! UKETO~! UKETO~!" The fan-girls chanted, slowly coming closer and closer. Looking back and forth, Naruto racked his brain for anything to help him through this.

_"Loser..."_

Naruto blinked as he was suddenly surrounded by white. In front of him stood a young black-haired prodigy who turned around, shaking his head at the blonde.

"Sasuke?" Naruto rubbed his eyes, wondering if he was dreaming or not.

_"Loser, what the hell are you doing? You're a fucking ninja, use your god-damn chakra! How many times have I told you how to dodge?"_ He tsked at the blonde. Naruto blinked, remembering Sasuke commenting on his bad dodging skills. Now that he thought about it...

Naruto was snapped out of his thoughts as he saw a girl leap for him, the blonde whipping his arms into action. He quickly grabbed the fan-girl's chest, giving it a small squeaze as he spun her around and flung her at the mob opposite of where she jumped from, all in one smooth motion. Quickly reminding himself of Sasuke's numerous jabs when they were still a squad, Naruto began to retrace the steps Sasuke had once shown him. As the blonde began to chuck the girls from one side to another, almost unnoticeably groping each girl as he threw them, Naruto could almost see Sasuke in the back of his mind, nodding his head in approval.

"ALL AT ONCE!" The fan-girls suddenly shouted, diving at Naruto suddenly. Feeling like the Young Uchiha on a Great Bridge, the blonde focused his chakra to his feet, the mobs slamming onto the ground. Naruto sighed gratefully to the Uchiha as he now stared down upon the pile of women in the middle of the road from his perch on top of a building.

"Now that I think about it, Sasuke...you once taught me the fan-girl interceptor style..." Naruto blinked as he saluted the Uchiha. Perhaps he had known Naruto would one day be a heart-throb? Either way, Naruto didn't care, as a squeal and a "THERE HE IS!" told him to get his ass moving. Ninja Style.

* * *

Jumping from building to building, Naruto soon found himself at one of the training grounds. Diving into a nearby bush, Naruto silently waited, wondering if any fan-girls had followed him. After a few minutes of nothing, Naruto released his breath, his tension dissolving as he figured that he was in the clear. Standing up, Naruto sighed, rubbing a hand through his hair to clear out any stray leaves. A light splash caught his attention however, and turning around, Naruto found something he was not expecting.

A beautiful brunette, bathing in a waterfall.

Slowly standing up, Naruto blinked rapidly, the brunette having caught sight of him as well. What REALLY blew Naruto's mind was when instead of screaming and beating the shit out of him like he was expecting, the brunette instead suffered an extremely powerful nosebleed before she suddenly passed out and fell under the water.

"ACK! WHAT THE HELL!?" Naruto shouted as he ran towards the drowning girl, quickly picking her up and making sure she was breathing. Sighing in relief, a rustling caught his attention once more. Turning, Naruto found a shocked Chunin wearing nothing but a green spandex jumpsuit with orange leg warmers and a Chunin's vest. His bowl-cut hair immediately catching Naruto's attention, he realized exactly who this person was. "Bushy Bro-

"VILE PERSON! HOW DARE YOU PEEP ON MY TEAMMATE!" The boy roared in youthful fury as he charged at Naruto shouting "LEAF WHIRLWIND!"

Thankfully, his training with Jiraiya had paid off, and Naruto could summon clones without the use of handsigns. So when a puff of smoke suddenly erupted in front of Lee, catching his leg and spinning him around before throwing him back in the same direction, Lee was, as expected, shocked.

"You are most youthful in your fighting style, I thought that you were merely a civilian trying to sneak an unyouthful peep on Tenten, but it seems you are a youthful shinobi, participating in most unyouthful acts!" Lee both praised and scolded the blonde, readying himself for a fight. He was quite shocked when the clone took off his shirt and quickly put it on Tenten, picking her up and moving her away from the water before walking over to Lee and hugging him. Pulling back, Lee saw the blonde with tears in his eyes.

"You havn't changed a bit fuzzy brows!" Naruto laughed, before waving his hand. "But I wasn't trying to peep, I was trying to hide." Naruto then turned around, looking back at the unconscious brunette beauty now identified as Tenten, blushing lightly. "But...is that really Tenten?" Naruto asked pointing to the girl. Lee, still confused, nodded.

"YOSH! My teammate is most attractive! Though it is not wise to peep on her as you are usually filled with a wide variety of shiny pointy weapons!" Lee shouted, saluting the blonde. Nodding his head, Naruto began pushing Lee away from the waterfall, his clone suddenly being blasted away by some unseen force.

"Had you stood still a second longer, my Air Palm would have annihilated you. You are most fortunate." A new voice said, causing Naruto to turn around before cracking a wide smile.

"NEJI!" Naruto beamed, the Hyuuga staring at the blonde stranger in confusion.

"How do you know not only my, name, but Lee's and Tenten's as well?" The Hyuuga asked, readying for a fight. "And more importantly, you should know that the Hidden Leaf Village Interrogates any and all intruders, you'd best prepare yourself."

Naruto stared at the Hyuuga in shock. Had he really changed that much?

"Have you guys really forgotten all about me?" Naruto was nearly in tears as he pointed a finger at himself. The two looked at the blonde curiously, trying to figure out who he was. "COME ON! IT'S ME! NARUTO!" Naruto shouted as he folded his arms. The shock that was on their faces showed that they really hadn't recognized him.

"NARUTO! IT HAS BEEN FAR TOO LONG! I DID NOT KNOW YOU HAD RETURNED!" Lee's eyes were suddenly flaming once more, excitement pumping adrenaline through the teen. Neji, shaking off the shock, smirked at the two idiots that he considered friends. Looking at Naruto's attire, he quirked an eyebrow.

"And it seems you've gone through a wardrobe change." Naruto blinked as he turned towards the Hyuuga before looking down.

"Oh, well I just got back the other day, and..." Naruto was silent as he recalled the strange series of events, as well as the recently revealed reason WHY the village had received him so awkwardly. "And, well, alot has happened..." Naruto sighed. Turning towards Tenten however, Naruto began to glare at the girl. The way she had reacted...

"But why were you peeping on Tenten in the first place Naruto?" Neji asked, before noticing something. "And why is SHE the one on the ground?" Lee nodded his head vigerously.

"YOSH! Most times the un-youthful offender is filled mercilessly with shiny, pointy and very sharp objects! Sometimes explosive objects!" Naruto continued glaring at Tenten before spinning around to his fellow males.

"Hey, can I ask you guys a question?" Naruto asked curtly. The strange looks he got from Neji and Lee made Naruto continue, seeing as how Neji was getting irritated that Naruto was avoiding his question. "It might make sense as to why I'm not looking like a porcupine." Glancing at each other, Neji and Lee nodded to the blonde. "Has Tenten been reading any...books lately?" Neji noticed that Naruto was turning a sickly pale, and further lost color in his face as Lee nodded positively.

"YOSH! She has been reading a series of strange books, though the one I've seen her read most is a red book with purple hearts on it." Naruto sighed as he reached behind him, pulling out the book he somehow still had from the ramen stand.

"Like this?" Naruto stated blankly, Neji and Lee staring at him wide-eyed before nodding their heads. "That's what I was afraid of..." Naruto groaned, debating on whether or not he wanted to actually look through the book or just burn it.

"But what is wrong with Tenten reading a book?" Neji inquired, folding his arms expectantly.

"YOSH! Your own mentor, Kakashi-sensei, reads most times of the day! Rarely have I ever seen him without a book in his hands!" Lee shouted, raising a hand. Naruto looked back at Tenten, a shiver racing down his spine. So the nosebleed she got was from his look-alike...

"Well..."

* * *

"Revenge?" The two Shinobi repeated, their heads cocked to the side at odd angles. Naruto nodded begrudgingly, not enjoying what he was about to tell them.

"Yeah...sometime in the past two years, I must have pissed some guy off big time, and so he wanted to get back at me. Of course, he didn't know my name, or he heard just my first name, but it didn't really stop him, as he must have burned what I looked like into his brain." Naruto poked at his forehead. The group had sat down over by a small creek that stemmed from the waterfall. Tenten was currently, by request of Naruto, tied up off to the side. Naruto had somehow gotten them to do so as a precaution, and told them that he didn't plan to keep her that way. Just for now.

"But, how could revenge get nearly the entire female population to go after you like that?" Neji quirked an eyebrow. Sure, Naruto had given them a rough idea of what had happened since he had gotten back, leaving out their bell test with Kakashi, but it still didn't explain why Hinata had slapped him, or why Sakura had fainted, or why Tenten had nearly killed herself from blood shooting out of her nose!

Naruto turned towards Neji, a blank look on his face. "Have you ever wanted to see two naked girls making out?"

The question caught the two ninja off guard, as they were not expecting such a question.

"Excuse me!?" Neji stammered, his face turning a light shade of red.

"Naruto! That is MOST un-youthful!" Lee shouted, though he too was blushing in embarrassment. Naruto waved their complaints off with a sweep of his hand.

"Yeah yeah, whatever, but the bottom line is, you've wanted to see it, right? That kinda of stuff is sexy." Naruto smirked triumphantly at the growing red on their faces. Sure, he had become a bigger perv after his time with Jiraiya, but he wasn't as bad as the old man. "Girls however, think the same way about guys." Naruto suddenly started losing the color in his face. He couldn't believe he was about to talk about gays...he half-wished to go back to talking about two naked girls, but the glaring looks of Neji and Lee prompted him to continue. "Well, girls are, despite their constant wailing on us for being perverts, BIGGER perverts than most guys. However, they aren't as...open, about it as we are." Lee had his hand raised, Naruto blinking as he turned towards the bowl-cut Chunin. Was he seriously raising a hand to ask a question? How old were they, seven? "Yes Lee?"

"Naruto! While I can understand that, what does that have to do with you, and as to why one book can turn the entire female population of Konoha into one rabid fan-girl infested bitch haven?" Lee said with a straight face. Naruto and Neji stared at the Chunin in shock.

"Uh..."

"Don't look at me." Neji crossed his arms to form an 'X'. "I have no idea where the hell that came from."

Naruto scratched the back of his head, deciding to ignore most of what Lee had just said with a straight face. "Well, girls have a thing for...uh, emotional guys. So the small, defenseless, submissive guys are usually really popular with girls...I guess." Naruto sighed. "I don't really know a whole lot about this, as I'm not a girl, and before you ask..." Naruto glared at Neji, who was lifting his hand just as Lee had done, "As to why the book is the catalyst, it's because the revenge involved using a transformation technique to make a submissive guy look like me and took pictures of the events that soon occurred. Unfortunately, these pictures have apparently spread all over Fire Country, making 'ME' the biggest submissive little porn star of all time...the book was apparently inspired by the photos and is now...a best seller." Naruto gloomed before he noticed Neji and Lee with shocked looks on their faces.

"I can't believe it..." Neji started.

"I know, I can't either..." Naruto gloomed.

"No, not that." Lee waved his hand dismissively.

"Huh?"

"I'm just amazed that Naruto is using such big words! Catalyst? You actually know what that means and were able to use it in a sentence?" Neji said in awe.

"You have grown more youthful over your training Naruto!" Lee smiled brilliantly as a dark aura overtook Naruto.

* * *

"Whoever did this is going to pay..." Naruto grumbled as he headed back to Konoha with his hands stuffed harshly into his pockets, two smoldering piles of ash behind him next to a tied up Tenten.

"So...who do you think did something so unyouthful to Naruto?" One of the piles of ash asked, eyes with fuzzy eyebrows appearing in front of the ash pile. The other ash pile, which had pale grey eyes, turned to the fuzzy eyebrowed ash pile and attempted to shrug, which just didn't work.

"It could have been Sasuke Uchiha..." The Neji ash pile suggested, the Lee ash pile shaking it's body back and forth.

"No, I do not think Sasuke Uchiha would take such drastic measures. He never truly cared to really humiliate Naruto, rather letting Naruto humiliate himself, very much like you once did to me."

"So you DID notice." Neji once again attempted to shrug which, still, did not work. "I do not truly know...but Naruto said that Sasuke once taught him a Fan-girl interceptor style kind of fighting." Neji ash pile thought aloud.

"But while Sasuke was most definitely a, as Naruto once put it, egotistical playboy, I do not think he himself created such a style." Lee ash pile replied sagely. Well, as sagely as you could get as a pile of ash and smoke.

"Hmmm..." The two ash piles began to stream thoughts and ideas before Lee remembered something.

"Neji, when we first saw Naruto, he used a clone to block my attack, correct?"

"Yes..."

"He then used the clone's shirt to clothe Tenten, did he not?"

Neji, slowly understanding where Lee was going, nodded sagely/smokily. "Indeed he did."

"Yet, Shadow clones, once dispelled, disappear with only a cloud of smoke. And you destroyed the clone with your youthful Air Palm."

"And?"

"So with the clone gone, doesn't that mean that the shirt that is clothing Tenten would be..."

The two turned to the clothed Tenten, only for a cloud of smoke to pop around the girl.

When she woke up, Tenten would find two piles of ash, one with pale eyes and one with creepy fuzzy eyebrows, staring at her with blood coming from somewhere below their eyes.

- Elsewhere-

A young black-haired teenager sneezed loudly, looking around his quiet room before shrugging and continuing to work on his improvements to the UF-GIS, or Uchiha Fan-Girl Interceptor Style, trying to add groping to the katas, while somehow not getting caught.

Itachi would be proud.

-Elsewhere-Elsewhere-

Another Uchiha sneezed loudly as he looked back and forth around the street he was on. Realizing that the sneeze had flung off his hat and sunglasses, Itachi Uchiha panicked upon hearing a chorus of fan-girlish squeals.

"UCHIHA FAN-GIRL INTERCEPTOR STYLE!" The young man roared as he began flinging the obnoxious women away from him.

It's hard to be popular...


End file.
